(no subject)

LOVELY.
I made the top of your little list of bad people.
I'm so thrilled.
I can't even begin.

"The Village Monster- Are you always on your period? You have nothing else but to nag. I stand up for you? But it isnt enough, wow. I regret it too. I hope that when she comes up here, nothing stands between her ripping you to shreds."
 
Oh my.
I'm soooooo scared.
Whats she gonna do?
Come up here and kill me in my sleep?
Bring it, bitch.
Do you honestly think I give a shit what Big Bad Leah has to say about me? Do you really need her to fight all your problems for you? How pathetic. I seem to use that word to describe you two, quite often. But its true.
All talk, no action.
You really act like your little livejournal entry is going to upset me. Dear, let me be the first to tell you: That was probably the most entertaing part of my day.
Because EVERY part of it was so fucking not true.
Not just me, most of the people on your bad list.
You make yourself seem incredibly stupid.
For wriiting something like that in the first place.
For only writing in here when you have something bad to say about someone. Or when you want to complain about how your life is so much worse than everyone elses. Which I assure you, isn't NEARLY true. At all.
Get over yourself.
Get a life.
And get the fuck out of my life.

(no subject)

Leah, you can go stick that in your juice box and suck it.
Oops. I didn't say that..
I know I'm fat.
I know I can be a bitch. If provoked.
I don't need you pointing it out constantly.
But dear, let me point out that I haven't done one fucking thing to you to make you hate me.
I have been nothing but nice to you until you say shit to and about me.
So why don't you just leave me the hell alone. Quit saying shit about me. Your being quite immature, and to be honest, just plain fucking STUPID.
Seriously, do you have nothing better to do than make fun of me? Call me names? Hate me for no apparent reason? Get a life.

(no subject)

Good Lord!
I'm so pissed off.
>:(
My stupid little faggit of a boyfriend can go fucking burn in hell.
I FUCKING HOPE SO.
Yes, I am just that heartless.
Yes, I am just THAT pissed off.
Because you know how long its been since I have seen the little queer?
A WHOLE FUCKING TWO WEEKS.
Yeahh, and he 'has other plans' this weekend.
OH YEAHH. OTHER FUCKING PLANS.
Like I give a fuck.
I DON'T GIVE TWO FUCKS.
Maybe I do, but you would think he would want to see ME.
I guess fucking not.
I have about had it.
HONESTLY.
I can't take his shit.
Hes such a bitch.
Hes worse than me when I'm on my period!
Holy fuck!
I'm seriously going to think this whole relationship over..
Not just because of what hes doing thats pissing me off at the moment.
Because of EVERYFUCKINGTHING.
I am this close to giving up.
I don't like relationships!
I'll become a fucking slut, where I can flirt with whoever the fuck I want, and not have to worry bout being in a relationship.
I don't like having a boyfriend!
Way too much fucking work!! Not worth it!!
Goddamn. Relationships just aren't my thing, I suppose...
>:/
Arrrrrghhhhh
Stupid niggah, faggit face, homo, queer, retarded bitch.
Urgh

(no subject)

JOHNNNNAYY BOYY!

Okay, so my buddy Johnny is like uber awesome.
But he always seems to be depressed....
And I really really REALLLLLY fucking worry about him.
Because for one, he just attempted uhm suicide.
I know he's been through a lot of shit lately, but I wish he could see how much I and everyone else for that matter, love and care about him.
I hate seeing him like this.
I don't know what I'd do if something happened to him.
God, do I have to like, throw a shoe at him to make him feel better?
I will O_O
If thats what it takes..
I love you Johnny[:


Anyways...
Well, I am just absolutely digusted with myself...
Not really, haha.
But kind of, I am :/
Because I think I have feelings for someone...
Other than my boyfriend..
I have really strong feelings for him, actually..
And if he didn't live all the way in California...I know I'd dump you know who in a second.
I do love this guy, Danny, the one in California..
He says he loves me too..
But nothing will ever become of us, because neither one of us can handle a long distance relationship.
I wish he lived near me.
I feel bad though.
Because I'm dating someone....And I know I'm only staying with him because I like saying I have a boyfriend. And I guess part of me likes having a boyfriend. But part of me hates it. Part of me hates being tied down. I actually think I like being single better..Hah, I never would have thought that would ever be possible. But I just like the feeling of being free to flirt with whoever and not feel bad about it. I like my independence. I don't know...
Part of me also likes him...Part of me hates the way he acts sometimes...Part of me would love to break up with him, but doesn't want to hurt him...Part of me wants to hurt him. Break a heart. Haha, that sounds awful. But most of all, i just don't know what I want.
I'm confused.
I wish I knew what I wanted.
I wish I knew what to do.
I hate this feeling.
I can't stand it.
I'm going absolutely insane because all my emotions are everywhere.
ARGHHH.



(no subject)

I don't know how to say this...But..
I'm so completely and utterly confused and upset that I can't even write.
Because I don't know what I'm feeling.
Other than I feel like my emotions are spiraling out of control and I don't know what to do.
I'm so afraid and hurt and confused.
I won't even begin to say what about yet.
I can't even..
I can't do this..

(no subject)

Why do I always do this to myself?
I get attatched to people so easily.
I need to stop.
Now!
I can't take it! I know I brought it all on myself.
Its my fucking fault for letting myself get so attatched.
I can't let myself do this anymore.
I have to distance myself. From everyone.
It never fails...Ever. Every single time I get close to someone..
I'm just huurting myself.
This is so pointless.
My stupidity. It hurts me in so many ways.
I love him, and I just want to help him. Know whats bothering him..
Thats all. And he won't say.
I have never even met this guy, but I do love him, hes such a great friend. I know I shouldn't let myself do this..I know.
I can't help it.
But now theres somthign wrong and he won't tell me.
And it's killing me.
I swear it. My friends will be the death of me.
I can't let myself get close to him anymore.
He's honestly killing me. I can't take this.
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me..I just know I can't do this to myself anymore.
Its too much of a bother.
I need to just let go...
Let go of all my friends...
The more attatched I get to them, the more it pains me when shit like this happens. And most emotionally stable people can handle it.
But I fucking can't.
I swear to god, if I keep getting closer to them...It will be the death of me.
I want to be his friend though.
It hurts so bad for me to know that there is ibviously something wrong with him, and he won't tell me..
I worry that he just doesn't want to be my friend anymore..
But if thats the case, then I'd rather that be his problem than have something worse be wrong...I'd rather him be happy.
And if not being his friend maked him happy, I'll sacrifice my happiness for him.
This is killing me.
It truely is.
No more friends..No.
I can''t get attached to any more people.
Never ever again...

"Come on, come all, your just in time to witness my first breakdown.."

(no subject)

Is it bad that I just don't really care?
I guess to an extent I care..But I'm just really getting tired of putting up with other peoples' shit.
Its getting on my nerves and I'm at the point where I just don't really give a damn.
I'm probably being a real bitch to people...
And I'm not sure if I even care that I am.
I know I shouldn't be so careless with other peoples' feelings.
But once again, I'm not really sure I care.
Hah.
Damn, I'm really being such a douche to everyone.
I don't know whats gotten into me.
Normally I'm very considerate towards others...But not today..
I will probably regret all the shit I'm saying later...
Goddamn.
I'm just digging my grave that much deeper..
Oh well.
Like I give a damn.
At the moment, I kind of want to die.
Like not really in the whole depressive and suicidal way, but more of as in my curiousity of what happens in the 'afterlife'.
Not physically..I mean I know that physically, they dump your remains in a casket and leave you six feet under the dort for your decaying body to rot and fall to pieces, peacfully..
I know that, I'm not stupid..
I just wonder what happens..I guess yo would say spiritually? Or where your 'soul' goes?
Is there life after death?
I suppose thats what I'm asking..
I mean, everyone fears death..
Just the mention of it makes most people tremble with fear..
It seems to be such a touchy subject for some people..
I don't understand why.
No one has ever experienced actual death itself, and came back to the world to tell of what happens..
So why should everyone fear it?
For all we know, we could all just be 'ghosts' of some sort to wander about in the physical world.
Or we could go with the more traditional belief with the whole Heaven and Hell bit..
But whichever..We still haven't the slightest idea what happens after we die and leave te physical world.
So there isn't a real reason to be scared.
To me, the thought of death is quite comforting.
If you think about it, ther isn't very much that is unknown to the human race..
The thought of not knowing for sure what will happen...Actually comforts me..
In a world where most everything is certain, so set in stone...It just soothes me that everything isn't as it really seems.
I know it probably sounds extremely silly.
And more than likely, you probably won't understand.
But thats okay.
You can call me morbid.
Call me depressed.
Call me suicidal.
Frankly my dear, I just don't give a damn.
This is how I think. Live with it. Get over it.
Learn to think beyond what they're trying to teach you in school or in church or what your parents or friends say.
Learn to think for your own damn self.
The world would be a much better place if people could learn how to do that.