May 14th, 2009

(no subject)


Okay, so my buddy Johnny is like uber awesome.
But he always seems to be depressed....
And I really really REALLLLLY fucking worry about him.
Because for one, he just attempted uhm suicide.
I know he's been through a lot of shit lately, but I wish he could see how much I and everyone else for that matter, love and care about him.
I hate seeing him like this.
I don't know what I'd do if something happened to him.
God, do I have to like, throw a shoe at him to make him feel better?
I will O_O
If thats what it takes..
I love you Johnny[:

Well, I am just absolutely digusted with myself...
Not really, haha.
But kind of, I am :/
Because I think I have feelings for someone...
Other than my boyfriend..
I have really strong feelings for him, actually..
And if he didn't live all the way in California...I know I'd dump you know who in a second.
I do love this guy, Danny, the one in California..
He says he loves me too..
But nothing will ever become of us, because neither one of us can handle a long distance relationship.
I wish he lived near me.
I feel bad though.
Because I'm dating someone....And I know I'm only staying with him because I like saying I have a boyfriend. And I guess part of me likes having a boyfriend. But part of me hates it. Part of me hates being tied down. I actually think I like being single better..Hah, I never would have thought that would ever be possible. But I just like the feeling of being free to flirt with whoever and not feel bad about it. I like my independence. I don't know...
Part of me also likes him...Part of me hates the way he acts sometimes...Part of me would love to break up with him, but doesn't want to hurt him...Part of me wants to hurt him. Break a heart. Haha, that sounds awful. But most of all, i just don't know what I want.
I'm confused.
I wish I knew what I wanted.
I wish I knew what to do.
I hate this feeling.
I can't stand it.
I'm going absolutely insane because all my emotions are everywhere.

(no subject)

Good Lord!
I'm so pissed off.
My stupid little faggit of a boyfriend can go fucking burn in hell.
Yes, I am just that heartless.
Yes, I am just THAT pissed off.
Because you know how long its been since I have seen the little queer?
Yeahh, and he 'has other plans' this weekend.
Like I give a fuck.
Maybe I do, but you would think he would want to see ME.
I guess fucking not.
I have about had it.
I can't take his shit.
Hes such a bitch.
Hes worse than me when I'm on my period!
Holy fuck!
I'm seriously going to think this whole relationship over..
Not just because of what hes doing thats pissing me off at the moment.
I am this close to giving up.
I don't like relationships!
I'll become a fucking slut, where I can flirt with whoever the fuck I want, and not have to worry bout being in a relationship.
I don't like having a boyfriend!
Way too much fucking work!! Not worth it!!
Goddamn. Relationships just aren't my thing, I suppose...
Stupid niggah, faggit face, homo, queer, retarded bitch.