I am sorry.

I am sorry.
To very many people...

To chris...

I know I have maniac mood swings. I am sorry. And I know you try to make me happy. I am sorry I am not always as happy as you would like. I am sorry I overreact about the smallest things. I know I do. I am sorry I complain and whine too much. I am sorry that I am such a bad friend. I am sorry that I am me. I am sorry I am not as fun as all of your other friends. I am sorry I can'y be like you and be so...resillient About everything. I am sorry I am so sensitive. I am sorry I can't keep my promises about certain things. I am sorry I cannot be so..Comfortable with being "bi-curious" or whatever. I am sorry I can't be more like leah and be more...Fun. I know I am a boring person and I am sorry. Sorry for everything, since everything I do anymore seems to be wrong.

To Larissa...

I am sorry. Sorry that I brought you into shit with Katie. I am sorry for any problems That I caused you. I know I must have.

To Katie Daboard...

I know I have said alot about her...And most of it is true, But I could have been nicer about it.

To Teo...

Yeah, I know I make fun of you alot and say your gay and shit and that you smell. Well you do smell, but I sure you can fix that. And I am sure you will find a very nice girlfriend...or boyfriend...I don't judge,,, And even though your friends are neardy as fuck...You still have friends that actually like you and want to be with you. Which is more than what I have. So I am sorry.

To Amanda Guyton...

I am sorry I make fun of you so much. I am nobody to call you fat, since I am a lot bigger than you. And I am sorry for calling you ugly. Because I am far more ugly than you. By far. And I am sure that you would have more friends if you would just take care of yourself a bit...so forgive me.

To everyone.

Sorry for being me.
I know I am a ain in the ass.
And that you just put up with me because you have to.
I will try and leave you alone the best I can.
I am sorry.
I truely am.
I wish I could change for you.
I wish...And I will try.



  • Current Mood
    melancholy melancholy

Not a Good Day, Not In the Least Bit.

Why am I even fucking alive? Why don't I just do everyone a fucking favor, and end it? God. I wish I had never ever ever ever ever been born. I wish I was a bug. Then Someone could just step on me and squish the fuck out of me. And no one would even care. I mean, it isn't illegal to kill a bug. And it isn't considered suicide if a bug flies into a window and kills itself. I could just fucking die, and I wouldn't have to worry about a thing. But then of course, why should I worry now if I just died? No one would really give a shit, they might be sad for a few minutes but they would get over it pretty quickly. Why not? Why not just "accidentally" take a few extra pills? I mean, by then I would already be dead, and when I am dead, I wouldn't have to worry about what anyone else cared. Why do i care now? I should just end it now. I want to. I honestly feel like there is no fucking poin tin my living at all. What is wrong with me? I just need to end it. I cannot take anymore shit. I keep saying that I can't take anymore shit, but I always do. But God, I think your about to witness my first breakdown. I really do. I am not even making a bit of sense. And my words are probbably all misspelled, but it's hard to see through the fucking tears. I don't want to live. I don't like this. I don't like it. I mean my parents keep defending me about the whole cutting myself thing, and I feel so fucking bad. Why can't people just stay out of my buisness? My grandma and sister think I cut...I don't know what I am saying. I just want out of here. Out of my house, out of my mind. My mind. I don't like it, It won't stop thinking. Everytime it thinks, it hurts me. I wish It would stop. I wish Everything would stop. Now! Why do bugs have to have it so fucking easy? I want to be a bug, maybe then I wouldn't have to worry about my friends. Wait, what friends? I don't have any. I don't want any. I want to leave. Firends just seem to cause more pain. At least the ones I have. Because I am not fun, or happy or anyting enough for them. I am just someone they put up with. God, I make fun of Teo o much, At least he has friends that want to be with him, even if they are neardy as fuck. I want friends that love me. Wait no I don't, Because what if they would stop loving me? I would get even sadder. I don't care if sadder isn't a word! I just don't want thiss. I Want to go.I want to dissappear. I want to be a bug. I now I whine too much and complain. But hey If your reading this, I did not tell you to! I am writing because it is the only way I can get all of this shit out of my head. Bugs can't talk. Or type. But they can't even think real thoghts...I want to be a bug. I wish I had never met my "friends" Because I don't seem to make them happy. I don't deserve to fucking live. All those jews who died deserved to live. They should have killed me. I bet bugs died. I want to gooooo! I wish I was a dog. Dogs are man's best friend. I have no one. No one but this fucking computer. It doesn't talk back. It don't listen either. But no one does, so why would I expect my computer to care? I mean, Why would it? What have I done for my fucking computer but use it? I am such a bad friend. I Can't even be a good friend to my computer. I don't desareve any of this. Why must all the bugs die and I live? I should die. Them bugs didn't do anyhting to deserve to die. I want to diiie.

I am sad.

  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed

(no subject)

I am finding things out about people that I don't really want to know. Things I was blind to untill now. And I hate it. I hate finding bad things out about people. People I thought I knew better than most, even myself. It makes me sad to figure these things out. I guess "What you don't know won't hurt you" Is tre in a way...I would have been just fine If I had never foound out the things I already have.

Stop it now!

I am not a depressed emo fag!
Shut the fuck up!
Lables are for soup cans. Do I ook like a can of soup to you? No. So don't be labling me.

Yeah, so I was at the store today and some stupid ass mother fucker decides to point and yell at me "Hey, look at the depressed emo fag!" What the shit? Why?

Well, if it was because off what I was wearing, then I should be labling you as a gangsta wannabe. Pull up your fucking pants!



I know you are probably well aware of my feelings about this....

Gay Rights, Marriage, Adoption, Etc.

Yes, I am well Aware that I probably talk...or rant, about this more often than I should, but who really gives a fuck? You don't want to hear about it, then get the fuck off my page.

 Let me start by saying that I shouldn't even have to rant about this.
 This should all go without saying.... 
There is NOT a thing wrong with homosexuality. There should be no reason to be afraid of it. If you are one of the people who thinks it is wrong for religious reasons... As much as the bible says shit about it not being natural or right. Did God not also say too, that he made everyone the way they are for a reason? And that everything, yes everything, happens for a reason? So don't you think that if he really didn't want any gays in the world he would have done away with them by now? And honestly, there are so much worse things going on in this world. Rape, murder, everything! And what are the southern baptists protesting? Yeah, that's right, Gay marriage and gay rights. Because apparently, gays are freaks of nature, and rapists and serial killers are just "troubled" and need to see "that God loves them".  What the hell? If you truely believe that...You are past needing help. Are you guys really that close-minded to love? What supposedly makes the world go 'round? I guess so. I mean, since in most states it is still illegal for same sex marriages. Yup, how would you like it if you wanted to get married and there was a law stating that you couldnt because the person you love is the wrong gender? Who the hell do they think they are? Telling people who they can or can't love. It is awful that someone can actually pass a law to prevent same sex marriage. It has nothing to do with you, so why do you care? And no matter what, even if they cannot get married, there will always be a gay couple out there, and there isn't a thing you can do about it. So why not just let them get married? They will love eacother no matter what you have to say about it. Why do people feel the need to make it seem like an awful thing, when it is just normal. Whatever "normal" is. But do you know how many people actually are homosexual? There are more gays, bisexuals, and lesbians than there are straight people. So why do you feel the need to make them feel like they are the outcasts? I would like to know. Because all this shit is absolutely ridiculous. People act like homosexuality is a plague and they might catch it. Come on. What are you? Five years old? It is like when you thought boys/girls had cooties! Get the fuck over yourself. The world would be such a nicer place if people could just accept the fact that love is love. And in any form, it should be accepted. There will always be gays, so as much as you would like to kill them all off, it won't ever happen. Cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it.

(no subject)

There is a certain somebody out there.
Who is wearing THE most fugly shoe.
And unfortunately I know this person.
Oh, but don't you be thinking that I am friends with this person.
I hate the hoe.
Now the reason why I keep saying this "person"
Is because I am pretty sure, that it has a penis.
But maybe it got the thing "removed".
Well, I sure am getting off topic.
Anyways...These shoes make it look like a hooker.
It's all like.
But we all really know..
Oh oops! I said "she"
Let's give it up for Hooker shoes!
But let's face it, you will never look as slutty as she.

Or he.

  • Current Mood
    amused amused

I would just like to say...

I am very sorry for being me.
I know I am pretty annoying..
And I complain too much.
Yeah I know.
But I do it without thinking. I dont do it intentionally.
It just kind of slips.
I promise to try my damned hardest to not be so whiny.
To not complain as much.
To not be so clingy.

To not be so fucking annoying.
To be more "happy".
To be less quiet.
To be more nice.
To try and be anything but myself.


Ah how wonderful the feeling.

Not really.
It actally kind of bites.

Well, I'm just not in the mood to be alone.

  • Current Mood

(no subject)

you stole my heart as i passed you by in that crowded city street
you took it and ran
i show no resistance
so you take advantage of what rightfully isnt yours
but still i didnt do a thing
you seemed like good idea
but you were just another one of my mistakes

you whispered sweet lies to me
sharp like a knife
your words cut right through me
you twisted that knife as you watched me cry
you watched me die that night

so you took my heart with you
and i coudnt do a thing about it